Identity. When I saw the topic, this is the first word which came to my mind. And I have no answer to that. Am I a corporate servant like everybody else or am I technical person who is good in technical stuff. Am I a delusional writer who always doubts his abilities or a spiritual person whose faith in God swings like a pendulum in crisis. Or am I all those guys? Or much more? Maybe much less.
My identity had not really bothered me until I passed my graduation and was in dilemma as to what career to pursue. This dilemma resulted in a turbulent period in my life which made me think how someone’s life becomes a laughing matter if he is not well established in life. People take him very lightly and don’t give any importance. It’s funny when people listen to the shit talk of some under-qualified guy and close their ears to simple but educated and sensible person. Anyways, I am going to write about that.
After graduation, I enrolled in an institution for coaching to get admission in some goo institutions. I did as told by my parents and also I didn’t know much about my career choice then. I failed miserably as I didn’t have any interest in that. Then I shifted my career track to software domain. With much difficulty I got a job but I wasn’t satisfied. What I wanted to do but couldn’t do, was to find my vocation. The one thing which I loved to do, the one thing which I can do any day, anytime without any hesitation. I changed my job and joined another company. I got a little satisfaction changing my field to another domain. I am happy in my job but it turns out that there is something else which gives me more satisfaction and a sense of fulfilment. So what is my identity – am I someone who works in a company for a better living? No….
Love. I got my first heartbreak at a point of life when I was starting to put my foot in the professional world. It was painful and it made me depressed. Many advised not to think about it much and concentrate on career and other things, but damn those memories are difficult to forget. Several questions and confusions arose from my mind. Why did this happen. Why only to me. All these thoughts will consume your very being. You have nowhere to go or hide. You have to face everything alone and you can’t stop living your life because if you stop, everything else will move. The most important thing is how I become hopelessly dependent on someone who doesn’t value your love. How can one allow himself to suffer so much humiliation instead of enjoying his life. You try to see yourself through the eyes of your beloved but in reality you are much more special and unique in your own way. You forget your own identity and start to live in a world of delusion. I don’t want to be the guy whose identity is defined by some other person? Definitely not.
Since long, I have this desire to write. I wanted to write everything and anything. All the things which are going through my mind, the pleasure, the suffering, the adventures and the challenges. But due to some reason or the other I am avoiding it by giving some excuse. Somewhere I found this:
A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper.
I have always wanted to write and I will. Also I wish to learn many other things like photography, painting, travelling and writing about it, cooking, etc. So am I the guy who likes to be jack of all trades but master of none?
Living in this world, we become bound by many things. Be it the norms of the society, decisions of our parents and relatives or by observing people around us, we get moulded by their outlook. We predefine our goals, at this age I will do this job, at this time I will get married, at this time I will have save most of my income, etc, etc. We stop living life and play a game where achieving targets is all that matters. We forget to wonder in the adventures of life. What if we don’t achieve that lucrative job at this age or what if we don’t marry some beautiful girl. What if we pause a little bit and breath life. What if we pursue something which is against the will of others, something of our own. What if we live for 60-70 years happily forgetting what will happen to us after a billion years when the Sun will enter red giant phase and consume earth. What if we live for only us.
We way I see the world, there is only one point of view and what I find is that none of this would happen if I don’t exist. This world as I see it, the people I interact or the knowledge I gather – none of this would have happened if my being is empty. So the most important thing in this world is me or the individual. Everything happens from my perspective. Same applies to every individual of this world. They feel and see the world as per their perspective. So we have to understand how important we are. Instead of satisfying others, we should do what we feel like doing. When we become happy then only we have the ability to share that happiness with others. That in turn gives us joy and respect among others. We have to realize that we and only we are the most important, unique and special person in the world. If I am here, everything’s there. If I am not here, then nothing exists. Make yourself powerful because that’s what you are. We all are. Your identity can only be defined by you. For now, I am just me and I am enjoying me.
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